Retirement Reflections

I didn't know where I was going but I was getting there too damned fast.

I naively thought I was going to $WORK until I couldn't. The $COMPANY thought otherwise.

Initially I thought I needed to $WORK. My entire identity was comprised of my work. I am my job/profession.

Now before I go all off-on-myself I need to remember that the career that I settled oh so comfortably in was an extension of my avocation not my vocation. Years ago when I realized that I was not going to be able to "retire" from being an EMT I sought out a career path the included my hobby, my passion, my heart's desire; Personal Computers.

After two additional years of college, paid for by grants, to achieve my Secondary Education Certificate (with a "minor" in Computer Science) I spent a year, grossly under paid and overworked, in Education. Again, I realized this was something that I could not "retire" from.

I applied for, and finally, received a position with a manufacturing concern as a PC Tech. I made more money the first week than I had made the last week of my 5-year EMT service. I was more fulfilled the first day as a PC Tech than I was the entire time I was in Education. This was a career that I might eventually retire from, that was clear.

I didn't have a job, I didn't $WORK, I just continued with my hobby, my passion, my heart's desire; Personal Computers. And they gave me money in return.

Fast forward to: The $COMPANY thought otherwise.

I aggressively sought out employment, and found it. But, it wasn't an avocation anymore. As altruistic as it was, working as a medical courier was mind-numbing, and completely unfulfilling.

I chastised myself, "You need to work. You have to work. You are stronger than your sense of being unfulfilled."

Until I wasn't. After serious soul searching I realized that, yes I could gut it out until next month but in 30 days I would still be as unfulfilled. I put in my notice. And gutted out two more weeks.

Then the retirement reality set in. I had immersed myself so completely in my career $WORK that I had made no provision for not working. I floundered. My sense of self-worth plummeted. I found myself drifting. Lesson: Plan for retirement. Not just economically but mentally. Make sure that you have something productive/engaging/fulfilling to fill your time.

Fast-forward to the present.

It really started with rearranging $SON's old room. He has been off on his own for a couple of years now. Made room for the long computer desk that was in the living room. Set up the old HP running Linux and a recycled Samsung TV ($SON's handy work.) Started in on Nextcloud. Added a new desktop and settled on Debian. A good used Lenovo laptop, again Debian (everything just works.) And I realized...

I don't have a job, I don't $WORK, I just continued with my hobby, my passion, my heart's desire; Personal Computers.